'Missed The Boat' - Episode #1: 'The Perfect Storm'

Whether through exceptional laziness, lack of interest, or stubbornness because I thought they were overhyped, I have a tendency to miss the wave of popularity with films. I then feel left of conversations, and I get frustrated at myself and then deliberately avoid the film. It's truly a self-fulfilling prophecy. I thought, there's no better time than the present than to watch said films and offer my thoughts for your rabid consumption. Who knows how long this will last, but in the meantime, I present 'Missed The Boat - A Series of Reviews on Films I have Only Recently Seen'.

******

Directed by Wolfgang Petersen

Starring George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg

I have a crush on Mother Nature. Boisterous, unrelenting, and merciless Mother Nature, that is. Give me a story about her smashing things up and forcing characters to say things along the lines of, ‘it’s not even real, there’s no need to panic!’ and it's golden with me.

In ‘The Perfect Storm’, a bunch of sword fisherman from Gloucester, Massachusetts, have returned home after a trip. I don't remember it being mentioned how long it was for, but I would assume months based on their welcome from their loved ones and other townspeople in the bar, The Crows Nest. Clooney plays ‘Tyne’, the Captain of the Andrea Gail, and he isn’t doing so well with his hauls, leading the fella he rents the boat from to push him into getting back out there to make more money. A rival fisherman (fisherwoman?) Captain Linda is doing very well, and Clooney is desperate to prove that he has not lost any of his talents and that he does, in fact, have a penis. So, he rallies up his reluctant crew, and they agree to get back out there in 2 days.

They’re all classic, born fishermen, or as someone in the movie says, they have “salt in their blood.” Wahlberg spends much of the opening hour with his tongue down a lady’s throat but, when he does come up for air, you find out that they are actually a sweet young couple who are quite in love. Other crew members include Sully, Murph, Bugsy, and Alfred Pierre, some with bigger storylines than others.

They get out there again, and they don’t catch anything worthwhile. The mood is pretty low. Still, Clooney decides to go further out so they can attempt to catch the bigger, more sexy fish and, once again, prove to everyone that he is male. They do just that and start to catch lots of the beauties, but then their ice machine breaks, meaning they can’t store more fish. They make the decision to journey home, and we know what happens next. The storm is beautiful. I had to Google when the movie came out as I knew it was old, but I was not prepared for how good the cinematography would be. It came out in 2000, and it shat all over Titanic. I’ve also just read that it won a BAFTA for Best Special Visual Effects. Good for them and move over Clooney and Wahlberg because the CGI really is the star of the show.

Brass tacks time. So much of the film relies on decisions based purely on ego that it takes you out of the movie. A small boat, Mistral, gets caught in the storm. The two women on board have to persuade the captain to allow them to call mayday because he’s too busy declaring that it is his boat. If it were me on there, I would have said, ‘Listen, mate, I know it’s your boat, but I don’t see how it’s ownership is a discussion point right now when there is a literal 50-foot wave next to my face.’ One of the women rather succinctly eludes to that at one point and, it would never be me in that situation because I get sick on the pedalos at Peasholm Park.

In another scene, Clooney is faced with a decision; ditch the fish they have before they all start to rot and wait it out where they are or attempt to get the fish back to sell and show off, which would mean going through an actual hurricane. When faced with a decision, I would say that no-one in the world has ever chosen the option with the word hurricane in it, but guess what, these guys did.

The film is based on a true story, and upon reading the real-life tale, it is loosely based at that. Tyne and his crew did not make the ego-driven decision to steam into a dangerous storm, and Captain Linda never made a distress call for them. Real-life Sully’s sister was disappointed with the portrayal of her brother, saying, “I guess every movie needs a villain, but my brother was a funny guy with a loud laugh and a big smile.” That’s Hollywood, eh?

The film had everything I need on paper. Based on a true story, real peril, a love story, and a tearful ending. I just wish they had been more faithful to the actual tale as I could have done with a little more human insight and a little less “this where we separate the men from the boys.” Notable points:

• A shark pops up, and my heart dropped into my arse.

• Harrison Ford Check – Yes. He turned down the Clooney role (Note for further reviews – if Harrison Ford is related to a movie in any way, I will point it out in the Harrison Ford Check section, and I shouldn’t have to give a reason because it’s my blog)

• The families of the Andrea Gail crew members unsuccessfully sued the producers.

• Recent speculation is that the Andrea Gail went down in the general vicinity of the Titanic, which made my arse jump into my heart.

• We see the crew members stuffing the fish with ice, and it made me think that that’s exactly what I want someone to do to me when I’m hungover.

• If I was ever in doubt before, The Perfect Storm cemented my crush on Mother Nature.