The Tale of the Criminally Overplayed Christmas Song

You hear it as early as late October. You’re walking down the street or driving to work unsuspectingly. It’s just a typical day. But then you hear it. The first three notes and sleigh bells. Some will be cheered up by it. “Aw, it’s nice to get into the spirit, isn’t it? Made my day that has.” Others will burst into flames, “it’s only bloody October!” they’ll roar, telling everyone they come across that day that they heard their first Christmas song of the year this morning. IN BLOODY OCTOBER.

We truly only ever listen to Christmas songs that are decades old. Why? If we just opened our eyes and broadened our minds a little, we’d find a wealth of songs that make your heart do that little jump when it’s your favourite bit. I decided to read up on it because it’s always been something that I’ve wondered and well, I’ve been at home for a while, and I'm even getting bored with TikTok. I have a theory on why we only listen to the same Christmas songs, and I dedicate my calculations to all those who never really liked “Fairytale of New York” that much. Hear me out.

Paul Carr, a popular music analysis professor, says that there’s a generational effect where we inherit Christmas songs that were loved by our parents. The songs end up having an emotional connection to reminiscence with our folks, instead of it being as simple as newer songs just being a bit naff. That kind of makes sense, although my parents break the mold here. My mum pretty much loathes all the older Christmas tunes and primarily listens to goth rock. My dad can appreciate a Christmas classic, but Wham's Last Christmas puts him into a state of confused delirium, and it has had that effect since I was very young. None of us know why and who are we to question it.

Joe Bennett from Boston’s Berklee College of Music analysed the elements of the ultimate Christmas song (God damn it, where do we sign up for that job?). He found that of the top 200 songs on the week of Christmas Day, 78 were Christmas-related, and 49% of the tracks featured sleigh bells. A couple of songwriters then decided that they wanted to cash in on Joe’s magic formula, but when they tried, it seemed the formula had gone stale. The song they penned, Love’s Not Just For Christmas, didn’t even enter the charts. I just listened to it and can confirm it’s crap. Adam Behr, who lectures at Newcastle University, then said, “it’s surprisingly effective for something that was written by a committee’. I chuckled to myself because how depressing is that sentence.

Onto Darren Sproston, who is a professor of music. He points out that Leona Lewis and Coldplay could be on the cusp of entering Christmas’s most played, adding that Leona’s One More Sleep fits the criteria very well, and Coldplay is getting there. I wholeheartedly agree with Darren and think that Leona’s song is absolutely wonderful.

To sum up, so far, Paul might have a point, the magic formula song was shit, and I like Leona Lewis.

Every year we get the same songs packaged up into compilation albums, and every year I go into Superdrug and hear All I Want for Christmas. The kicker is that in Superdrug, it’s not even Mariah singing the damn thing. Thankfully, COVID-19 is the gift that keeps on giving, giving us the excuse to avoid hearing B-rate versions of popular songs whilst we're reluctantly buying £24.99 boxes of bath goodies that will never serve a purpose.

A song essentially needs years to become a Christmas classic, and because we only hear them for a couple of months at a time, apparently, they don’t tire out as much as regular songs. Apparently. So, we inherit the songs from our parents that have taken years to gain their popularity. Then we listen to them every year because nothing newer has gained the kind of momentum to propel it into being a family favourite.

So, how many more years before people give Kelly Clarkson’s Underneath the Tree the credit it deserves? Maybe it’s five years until it starts sniffing around the charts, or perhaps it will take twenty years. Still, at least we can all rest in the knowledge that for the rest of our natural-born lives, we will be vilified and shamed for not liking Fairytale of New York.

Image by Islem Benzegouta from Pixabay